The first time I remember being self-conscious of my weight was when I was a sophomore in a private christian school. I was 14 years old and I was no where near being "fat". Due to a nervous stomach, I couldn't eat very much and when I did, I would throw up. I could wear my 9 year old sister's clothing and my waist was 17". The ironic part about it, is that I didn't get teased about being skinny. Quite the opposite. Due to my nervous stomach, I would snack throughout the day in-between classes on Cracklin' Oat Bran cereal just to keep the hunger pangs away. That didn't go unnoticed by my classmates and I got made fun of for eating all the time. My homeroom teacher was made aware of the situation, and did nothing. In fact, when my parents confronted him about it, he made the comment, "Well, she does eat all the time." Nice, right? It's not like I was shoving Ho-Ho's in my mouth every few minutes. The teasing became unbearable, and it was at this time that my parents began homeschooling me. This is also the first time I remember being depressed beyond words.
Over the next year or so, I slowly began putting on a little weight. Nothing major. I think I went up to a size 5. What I wouldn't give to be a 5 now! The teasing and taunting was never forgotten, and I was driven to lose weight however I could. "However I could" ended up being eating only crackers and water and exercising as much as possible. Looking back, I think about how dangerous that was. I can still remember feeling light headed and having headaches.
The weight stayed off through a marriage right after graduation, a move to Okinawa, a family crisis, and a separation/reconciliation. Not long after that, I started gaining weight. A divorce soon followed and over the next few years I yo-yo'd back and forth until I was finally at my heaviest- a hefty size 24. Through diet and exercise (no cracker and water diet this time), I got back down to a size 7 and stayed there for a couple of years. No matter how hard I try, the weight always seems to come back on.
Over the years, I've lost and gained hundreds of pounds and I've spent an awful lot of time feeling bad about myself because of it. While I am not at my all-time heaviest, I am not at an ideal weight for my 5'2" frame, by any means, and so with the support of my cousins (who are also trying to lose weight), I am a woman on a mission to lose 70lbs. While being healthier should be incentive enough to shed the pounds, I needed a bit more to drive me so my husband has agreed to buy me an iPad2 AND a new wardrobe once I've reached my goal. Woohoo!
In an effort to be held more accountable through this journey, I have decided to blog about it in the hopes that it will keep me on the straight and narrow. Chocolate is my weakness, and there's SO much of it out there. I'm thinking with the holidays coming up, it's probably not the best time to begin a diet, but the time for a healthier me is NOW!
Do you have a diet success story? I'd love to hear about it!